i've been wishing, hoping really, that "one day, everything will get better, one day everything would be okay.." well, it doesn't get any better. not at all. i'm still a little heifer, i'm still alone, i still whine all the time, i still suck at everything, i still, i still, i still...when will everything change? how long do i have to keep waiting? and i've tried "changing". i have a gym membership, it's just going there that's the problem. i've tried changing my attitude, just anything, and nothing works.

i just want to kill myself. i just don't know how to do it without any more pain...